Just As Much Page 11

“She did,” Gran says laughing.

  Donna left plates sitting by the table and Damian just sits there rubbing his eyes and staring at all of us.

  “Don’t be a jerk. Help your mother set the table,” I say pointing at the plates. Damian wordlessly complies and Donna and Gran look at one another and stifle a laugh.

  “Can we keep her?” Gran says and I laugh—at least they like me. Thank God.

  Gifts

  After breakfast, Damian gave me a tour of his hometown—which is tiny, but I loved the brick streets and shopping at the small thrift type stores. I bought me a shirt that says, “I work hard so my dog can have a better life.”

  “So, my family likes you better than me,” Damian says as he takes my bags.

  “I think they do,” I say laughing. When Matt came in from the feeding the horses, he looked at Damian like he was an alien. Apparently, it had been a very long time since anyone coaxed him out of his room for breakfast.

  “So, what is next?” he says as I let Zeke into the truck and get in the passenger side.

  “I was planning on spending my break watching movies,” I say and Damian grins.

  “So, movie marathon it is!” he says backing the truck up.

  As we go back to his house, I try and pay attention to the landscape—being from the city I rarely see much green. We cross a bridge and I ask him to slow down.

  “What?” he asks.

  “What are all those?” I ask point at all the stuff hanging from the bridge.

  “They are locks. Couples put them on there with their initials to be all romantic and shit,” Damian says shrugging.

  “Such a romantic,” I say rolling my eyes.

  “My mom and dad have one on there. Maybe she can show you where it is next time we go out together.”

  “Cool!” I say but I can’t help but feel a little envious. Damian’s parents had a lock. They were young and in love—I can’t really imagine my parents young and in love. Most of my memories are of them behaving like oil and water—and fairly old.

  Damian takes me back to his place and his mom is sitting in the living room watching Chopped.

  “Mom, can we have the living room for a movie marathon?” Damian asks and I nudge him.

  “I like Chopped,” I whisper sitting down.

  “Then want to watch it for a bit?” he asks, and I just smile and sit on the end of the couch. Damian grabs the other end and I put my feet in his lap.

  “No. Feet. Ew,” he says pushing them off and I laugh. He hates feet, so I bend my legs up and stick my tongue out at him.

  “That is the most boujee mac and cheese I have ever seen,” I say looking at the macaroni covered in four cheeses that I have never heard of in my life.

  “They were given Swiss chard, what do you expect?” Damian adds.

  “Would it kill them to add some mozzarella or cheddar for God’s sake?” I say.

  “Apparently. I am more concerned with the lack of bread crumbs,” Damian says.

  “Eww. Bread crumbs do not belong in mac and cheese, get out,” I say and Donna laughs.

  “You two are funny,” she says.

  “Funny looking,” Gran adds walking into the room. She sits and we all watch four episodes, with Gran constantly mocking the choices.

  “Why on hades would you want to eat dried fermented scallops?” she says shaking her head.

  “Obviously no one does because all of them look pretty confused,” Donna adds.

  “Someone is going to forget an ingredient. Bet you five,” I say to Damian.

  “I’ll take that bet,” he says smiling at me.

  When I hold out my hand for my five dollars, Donna and Gran decide to call it quits.

  “I am going to go exercise the horses,” Donna says.

  “And I just don’t want to watch this anymore,” Gran says laughing. “Makes me hungry.”

  “Want help with the horses?” I ask Donna. Damian just gives me a look.

  “No. No, you two have your movie marathon.”

  “Okay,” Damian says quickly, before she could change her mind.

  I run to my room and grab my movies.

  “How many chick flicks am I sitting through?” Damian asks sighing as I come back with, what I am sure looks like, a mischievous grin.

  “So many,” I say squinting at him. I still haven’t forgiven him for not giving me a warning about his mother expecting me for break. I love it and I am having a blast, but I refuse to give him that satisfaction. Although, he knows, and he is smug about it every time I laugh with Donna and Gran.

  “You love it here and you know it,” he says grinning.

  “No. Warning. You gave me no warning,” I say pulling out Fried Green Tomatoes.

  “What’s this?”

  “One of my favorites. After this it is Breakfast Club, The Princess Bride, and The Notebook.

  “The Notebook? Really Fee?” he says rolling his eyes.

  “If I am a bird, you’re a bird,” I say purposefully misquoting it and thoroughly enjoying his misery.

  We watch all the movies, Matt joining us for The Breakfast Club so he could see me quote most of it word for word.

  “That’s awesome,” he says laughing.

  “That’s annoying,” Damian says throwing popcorn at me.

  When we finish movie four, it’s after two. Matt went to bed before I pulled out Ryan Gosling and Damian is asleep—right on top of me. I don’t want to move. When he is asleep I can enjoy how I feel when he is around. I don’t have to hide the butterflies or the odd excitement I feel when he accidently treats me like more than a friend. I fall asleep—albeit uncomfortably on the couch with him.

  When I wake up in the morning he is still there. I take a minute and just stare at him—he’s so cute when he is sleeping. Damnit, Felicity. Listen to yourself.

  I mindlessly play with his hair and then I look over—Donna is standing in the doorway.

  “He is sleeping so sound, I didn’t want to move him,” I say embarrassed.

  “Uh-huh,” she says smiling, drinking her coffee.

  “Really!” I say shifting—he doesn’t even stir.

  “Uh-huh,” Donna says walking away.

  I rub my face and groan in frustration. Damnit, Felicity. Look at yourself.

  “You had to bring me home, didn’t you?” I whisper to him.

  When the weekdays hit, Donna leaves in the morning to treat her patients, leaving Matt, Gran, Damian, and I alone. Gran, like her grandson, likes her sleep but she would deny it. She comes out every morning but goes to sleep in the recliner soon after her morning cup of coffee.

  That leaves me and Matt.

  We have a system down. He works the coffeemaker with umpteen thousand buttons, I grab mugs. We sit and drink our coffee together and talk about life, normally until he has to go to his own jobs. Yes. Jobs, plural.

  This morning, I brought my cross-stitch gear with me. It’s December twenty second and I have yet to finish Damian’s gift. I did however finish one for Donna and Gran—small ones that say “okay, but first, coffee” with a small cup. Matt’s is a little more intricate. I am making him a cartoonized cast of The Breakfast Club with the quote “sincerely yours, the breakfast club” underneath. I work on his when I am with Damian and work on Damian’s when I am with Matt.

  Damian’s has thus far taken me two months, but of course I have stopped and started and even finished multiple projects since then. I am making him an eight by ten frame of a Rick and Morty quote that discusses getting your shit together. He made me watch the show and I kind of like it. I was going to go with a Grey’s quote, but I don’t think he would appreciate that as much.

  “How can you stand working on those all the time?” Matt asks as he comes back in from feeding the horses.

  “Matt, have you ever wanted to just stab something?” I say and he laughs.

  “Then welcome to cross-stitch,” I say as he starts the coffee. I stop and grab our mugs.

  “He’ll like tha
t. He loves that show,” Matt says looking at my work. Currently Morty’s head is giving me fits, so he better freaking love it.

  “I know.”

  “So, when are you two going to officially date?” Matt says smirking.

  “Never. We made a deal. We’re friends.”

  “Wait—what deal?”

  “Damian has a tendency to love them and leave them…I didn’t want to be left, so I told him we could be friends,” I say going back to stitching.

  “Is that your way of telling me my brother is a manwhore?” Matt asks laughing.

  “I just calls them like I sees them,” I say. “Don’t say anything to him.”

  “I know my brother, you aren’t telling me anything I don’t know. I’ve visited campus a few times,” Matt says sipping his coffee.

  “Then why are you surprised we aren’t together?” I ask.

  “Because, he brought you home. And when you two are together it’s like you have your own frequency that none of us can quite tune into. It’s cute.”

  “Drink your coffee and mind your business.”

  “Okay, Miss Thing. I just calls them as I sees them,” he says mimicking me. We both laugh and Damian comes out.

  “What’s so funny?” Damian says. I quickly flip my stitching over and Matt answers for me.

  “The idea of dating you, apparently,” Matt says, and I shove him.

  “What are you up so early for?” I ask him, he looks bothered by Matt and I being so close together.

  “I thought we could go into town. You wanted to look for old frames for your cross-stitches,” he says solemnly.

  “Sounds like fun, I’ll go get dressed,” I say, and Damian follows me.

  “The idea of dating me is that hilarious?” he says.

  I play it off, because I don’t want to hope for anything.

  “He was teasing you, Damian. Besides, we are past that aren’t we?”

  “Yea. I guess so. You’re getting awfully buddy-buddy with Matt,” he says.

  “He’s easy to talk to.”

  “Then maybe you should stay here with him then,” he says angrily. He is jealous. Damian is jealous.

  “Maybe you should act your age, not your shoe size,” I say shutting my door and getting dressed. Zeke followed me in and is staring at me. He’s giving me the same look Donna, Matt, and Gran give as soon as I deny any feelings about Damian.

  “Et tu, Zeke?” I say shaking my head.

  Damian and I head into town with him being stone cold silent. He parallel parks in front of the antique store and puts the truck in park.

  “Run in, I’ll stay here,” he says, still huffing.

  I sigh. “Do you mind if Zeke stays here then?” I ask him. Damian’s town is not used to people having service dogs. Every time we walk into stores people smile and try to talk to Zeke and look at me like I am a walking, talking, museum exhibit. I want to save myself the trouble. I saw the frames the other day—I’ll just grab them and come back.

  “You should take him with you,” Damian says.

  “It’s five minutes,” I say rolling my eyes.

  “What if you have a seizure?” he asks.

  “Then I have a seizure,” I say getting out of the car and leaving Zeke with him. I need five minutes of normalcy. For five minutes I am a woman at a store. No one staring. No one trying to talk to me. Just grabbing frames and leaving.

  I get back into the truck and Damian is still fuming.

  “Do you know how unbelievably stupid that was? I swear Fee, it is like you have no concern over your wellbeing sometimes,” he says shaking his head and starting to put it in gear. I put my hand on his and stop him.

  “Whoa. I don’t know what your problem is or why you woke up in this pissy ass mood, but you don’t get to talk to me like that.” It reminded me too much of Daniel and that scares me. He sees the hurt in my eyes and softens.

  He sighs. “You’re right. I am sorry. I have a headache. I think I am going to lay down when we get home.”

  “I think that would be a great idea,” I say reaching back and petting Zeke. He looks at the two of us, as if he is grinning.

  We get to the house and Damian goes to lay down while I take Zeke off his vest and let him run around the property for a bit. We rarely get the chance to go to dog parks in the city, and he loves playing in the snow and getting some time off.

  “Someone is having a good time,” Matt says behind me.

  “He rarely gets to just be a puppy,” I say looking over at Zeke. His nose is covered in snow.

  “I thought you might want this,” Matt says handing me a tennis ball.

  “He will love it,” I say tossing it. Zeke takes off in a sprint to find it.

  “You pissed him off, you know,” I say to Matt as Zeke returns. Matt throws the ball.

  “If he’s pissed, maybe he wants more.”

  “He will want more until he gets more, Matt.”

  “You think he thinks of you as a challenge?” Matt says cocking an eyebrow at me.

  “I think that I am not willing to risk everything just to find out,” I say shrugging. When Zeke comes back I take the ball and head toward the house.

  “Come on, Zeke. It’s freezing,” I say. Matt stays out, continuing to do whatever he was going to do before he saw us. I go to the kitchen and grab Zeke some water, my boy is out of shape, huffing and puffing from running outside.

  While Zeke drinks I head to my room, maybe I can finish Matt’s cross-stitch today. But as I walk up the stairs, I hear Donna and Damian in deep conversation.

  “You’ve met her, Mom, she is amazing.”

  “I just don’t think it is a great idea, Damian. That girl likes you. Moving in together is a big deal and that is not what we discussed.”

  “You were going to get me an apartment this semester and couldn’t! Take Christmas gifts back, this is what I want.”

  “Do not be ridiculous, Damian. I am not taking your Christmas gifts back three days before Christmas. And you only have one semester left, it is silly to get a lease.”

  I hear Damian sigh and his voice changes, becoming low and desperate.

  “Mom, Felicity is working two jobs, one at the library and one work study job at the financial aid office. Her funding is falling through and even before that she would go through periods where she wouldn’t have any food in her dorm. Zeke eats better than she does when she doesn’t feel like going to the rec hall. She needs this. She won’t admit it, but she needs this. She can’t live on her own. She’s sick and she thinks she can handle it, but she can’t.”

  “Damian…” his mother huffs.

  “That dog alerts and then times the seizures. But what if she hits her head? She could barely move after her last one—Zeke can’t help with that. She needs help. She shouldn’t be living alone.”

  “And you can? You are willing to be the one that helps her with all of this?”

  “Of course, I am. She has no one, Mom. Her sister and brother-in-law berate her when she has seizures, blame her for needing them. She needs me. You and Dad were always saying that we should do what we can for people that need it. She needs it. I already stay with her when I can and get us food anyway—this will just make it easier,” he says and Donna sighs.

  “You found an apartment?” she says.

  “Yes. It is right here. All we have to do is sign. It is perfect and it is ready now. I will probably end up in the city after graduation anyway.”

  “Alright, I will look at it tonight,” Donna sighs and I can hear Damian’s excitement. The dude better check himself.

  Who the hell does he think he is? My problems are not his and I am about to make that abundantly clear.

  I smile at Donna as she passes me on the stairs and immediately run straight towards Damian.

  “What the hell, Damian!” I whisper harshly, grabbing his hand a pulling him into my room.

  “What?” he asks innocently.

  “What gives you the right to think that you have
any control over my life? Did you even think about freaking asking me before finding us an apartment to live in?”

  “Fee, you might not be able to afford to stay at school, I was just…”

  “And that’s my problem! My problem, Damian! Not yours! You just keep swooping into my life and making decisions without even asking me. You didn’t ask me if I wanted to come here, you didn’t ask me if I wanted to live with you. And I wanted to do NEITHER. I wanted space from you because you are so damn suffocating. You are suffocating.”

  “Fee, calm down,” he says as I pace the room.

  “No. I am not freaking calming down. I didn’t realize that you saw me as such a charity case, Damian.”

  “Fee, I don’t see you as a charity case.”

  “Oh Mom! Felicity needs my help. She needs me. She is a hungry sick college student who wouldn’t make it on her own if you don’t give me my apartment!” I yell.

  “Felicity that is not fair. I was just…”

  “You were just using me and my disability as an excuse to get what you want. You were just telling your mom how you think of me as some sort of community service project. Tell me, Damian. Are you getting some extra credit for spending so much time with the sick girl? Maybe you can add our Netflix dates to your service hours!”

  “Felicity, stop,” he says.

  “No. You stop! Everyone in the whole entire school calls me your charity slut, Damian. It wasn’t until now that I felt like it.”

  “Fee.”

  “Get out.”

  “Fee, come on.”

  “OUT!” I yell and he leaves.

  I walk over to my suitcase and grab my cross-stitch stuff.

  Stab.

  Stab.

  Stab.

  I tell Donna I am not feeling well and avoid dinner with the family. I need time by myself. Maybe I should sneak back to school, leave their gifts on the bed. I stay and finish both Matt and Damian’s patterns and I put all of them in their frames.

  With nothing left to do, I think about Damian’s words and cry. I am already a hinderance to him.

  After a crying fit, my stomach starts to growl. It’s past midnight, typically everyone is in bed.

  I sneak down the stairs and head to the kitchen. Donna had ordered pizza for dinner tonight, so I grab a couple slices and put them in the microwave.